New Year's Eve Kisses Don't Count
by SleepingSeeker
Summary: One-shot promised from Part 2 of The Tender Trap. Taken from Casey's bitter memory as he slowly realizes that he never had April. Set in December on New Year's Eve before Leo becomes entangled with his desperate relationship with Karai. Casey invites April and the brothers over for a New Year's Eve party where the guys learn of yet another human custom. Rated T for a bit of content


**A/N:** In Part 2 of the Tender Trap, Casey slowly begins to realize that maybe April never cared for him the way he'd thought. One clue was what had taken place in his bedroom directly after the scene below played out. See Part 2 of The Tender Trap for more details. Enjoy.

* * *

"Hope

Smiles from the threshold of the year to come

Whispering, 'it will be happier' . . ." - Alfred Tennyson

* * *

**New Year's Eve Kisses Don't Count**

* * *

Michelangelo raised one foot and shook it playfully, making the over-sized bunny ears flop from side to side on the end of the pink slipper. The tiny black eyes glittered up at him. He giggled at the absurd sight and made his foot bop over then up on top of Raphael's lap; resting it on his knee.

"Mister Bun-Bun wants some beer," he said, snickering; his warm breath coming out in a fog in the frigid night air.

Raphael paused in what he was saying to Casey and swatted Michelangelo's foot away. The lawn chair creaked with the movement. His hand was partially covered in a black finger-less glove. He was wearing the pair that April had knit for him and had given to him as a present for Christmas a week ago. On his head was a knit skull cap made of dark gray wool with a skull and cross-bones symbol carefully stitched on one side.

"Get your stinkin' paw offa me, bonehead," he said without even glancing at his younger brother who chuckled and shrugged.

Casey looked over his shoulder and quickly brought several of his fingers wiggling in front of his mouth and shushed Raphael frantically, moving them to making a cut-off sign with his hand slicing across the front of his throat. The turtle blinked, baffled, but then saw April coming from the stairway shelter; blankets thrown over one shoulder. He understood. The story they were in the middle of was not one that April would've approved of. It took place in an alley behind of one of the many strip joints that Casey's cousin Sean frequented and it featured several very high, very grateful strippers and one very sorry, very badly beaten mugger. Raphael nodded his understanding and took a swig of his beer. He didn't like that Casey was doing this stuff behind April's back, but he was not going to get in the middle of any romantic entanglements between his friends if he could help it. _No way. Keep me outta that shit._

April appeared from behind them and wrapped Michelangelo's shoulders in a large quilt. He smiled up at her.

"Here ya go," she said and pulled the bridge of his fur-trimmed trapper's hat down over his eyes. He moved his arms around in mock fright and nearly toppled the lawn chair into a pile of empty beer cans that Raphael had stacked between their chairs.

She moved behind the row of chairs set up in a semi-circle on Casey's apartment roof as Michelangelo made the slippers on his feet begin to battle each other. She patted Raphael's shoulder and ruffled Casey's hair affectionately.

"Babe, next time you're up, could ya bring out a couple more for me and the guys?" Casey asked, nudging the edge of the cooler with one toe of his boot. By the 'guys' he meant him and Raphael. She sighed.

"Don't call me _babe_. I don't like that remember? Maybe that could be your New Year's resolution," she suggested trying not to get mad, trying to keep the festive night fun for everyone and not have it dissolve into yet another argument between her and Casey.

"Oh, yeah, sure thing," he said absentmindedly.

April rolled her eyes. She glanced down and saw the cooler in front of Casey and Raphael was empty once again. Well, what did she expect? Raph and Casey could put away a couple cases before the night was done; neither was a light weight when it came to drinking. Good thing she stocked up in preparation for their New Year's Eve party.

She stepped over to where Leonardo sat smiling and only half-listening to Raphael and Casey retelling some of their exploits; pointedly ignoring his brother's imbibing of alcohol. He didn't want to fight with Raph tonight. April and Casey had invited them over for a party and he wouldn't ruin it with a spat over something he could address later with Raph when they were alone. And if he noticed the sudden change in topic between Raphael and Casey, he didn't show it. Truthfully, he hadn't been paying close attention to his friend and brother rambling on and on. A large part of his mind was trained on the surroundings, listening for any sounds of danger from the neighborhood.

April bopped the top of his ski hat with her palm, smashing the bright blue pom-pom. Leonardo glanced up at her from under the brim of his hat. His eyes sparkled in the light from the string of green and red party lanterns strung across the laundry line above their heads. The navy and white Norwegian knit pattern really brought out the deep rich blue of his eyes. She was most proud of this hat because of the pattern and the work it took to make it. There was something very orderly about the squares and dots in the pattern that made her decide to give it to Leo and she was glad she did. She took another blanket from off her shoulder and wrapped Leonardo's shoulders in the warm quilt as well.

"Thank you, April," he said politely.

"Having a good time?" her question puffed in the cold air.

"Yes, thank you again for inviting us . . . not to complain," he began as he wrapped the quilt around his freezing shoulders, "but why are we on the roof again?"

"Oh, the fireworks display. Casey told me every year the neighbors a couple blocks down shoot off some great ones right after midnight. Wait 'til you see."

"Sounds great," he smiled.

"I'll bring out some cocoa, that'll warm you up a bit."

"Oh, don't go to any trouble, April."

"No trouble at all, what's a winter night without some cocoa, right? Be back in a bit."

She turned to go. Casey and Raphael guffawed and Leonardo turned his attention back to them.

"Hope Splinter never hears that part," Casey said between chuckling breaths; wiping his eye and taking a long swallow of beer.

Leonardo leaned his elbows onto his knees; raised his eyebrows, "What's that?" Leonardo asked; meaning only that he missed the good part, but it came off wrong.

Casey snorted through his nose; still shaking his head.

"Don't worry about it, Fearless," Raphael drawled and waved his hand at Leonardo dismissively.

Leonardo blinked as his smile wavered a little. He ducked his head. He turned his face away to hide his small hurt at being once again misunderstood by Raphael and left out of the good stuff. He glanced out over the dark city-scape again; doing what he did best; keeping his family safe as he listened for trouble; mapping an escape route in his mind if they needed to book suddenly; ignoring the pang of unfairness that his brothers saw him more and more as an authority figure and less and less as a comrade or friend. But the neighborhood was quiet. New Year's Eve had most residents on Casey's block of apartments either asleep or out on the town celebrating.

A small part of him had hoped that maybe he'd run into that female Foot soldier, Karai, again and get to spar a little with her. She was really good with her swords. Very skilled. And very pretty. He blinked and brushed the thought away, a little shocked and ashamed that the thought popped into his head. But the last time he saw her was around his birthday in October when he'd turned nineteen. He'd probably never see her again, he thought with a strange pull of disappointment. Things had been quiet lately. Quiet and boring. Just like tonight. Maybe next year would bring a little more excitement into his life. He could only hope.

April inclined her head as she moved towards the stairwell shed to see Donatello still hunched behind a mass of wires and two space heaters. He wore the dark purple knit hat that she'd made for him for Christmas as well, but the front of it was pushed up high on his forehead, wrinkled in concentration. The top of the hat stuck up and hung over one side. She moved towards him and crouched.

"How's it coming?"

He looked up then down and then back up quickly; giving her a double take. He swiftly removed the pair of screwdrivers he held in his mouth and licked the metallic flavor they left off his bottom lip and grimaced. He sat back on his heels. His fingers fidgeted with the various tools spread out before him. He kept his eyes glued on the electronic mess in front of him while he spoke to her.

"Uh, almost done."

"Hopefully sometime this year," Casey joked; one arm hung over the back of his lawn chair.

"Ha-ha," April said then turned back to Don who studiously continued to stare at the space heater components, ignoring Casey as best as he could; pretending he wasn't there. "Seriously, though, I think your brothers are turning into turtle-cicles."

"We'll be warm and toasty in no time," he replied in mock cheer, glancing up at her and forcing a smile, internally cringing at how stupid he sounded.

Raphael laughed then turned and punched Mikey in the arm as he tried once again to make Mr. Bun-Bun climb on his lap.

"Knock it off, will ya?"

"What? He likes you, Raphie. Ouch! Alright, alright. Ouch! Hey! What was that one for?"

"That's for when you do it again in five minutes."

"Speaking of warm and toasty, do you wanna come inside and help me make the cocoa?"

His brown eyes darted from his arguing brothers up to her; wide and shining. They always looked so different when they weren't in their masks. She liked it, a lot, actually. They looked much less intimidating. And it made Donatello appear much younger than seventeen. He looked adorable.

"S…Sure," he stammered and again, cringed inside.

She stood and opened the door to the stairwell and Donatello followed her down to Casey's apartment. Throwing her puffed jacket to the back of a worn looking couch, she sighed. She kicked a pile of flannel shirts to one side as Donatello moved inside the living room behind her, then stooped in front of him to retrieve a couple of empty soda cans. Her cropped sweater hitched up revealing a strip of white skin and her jeans tightened across her bottom and Donatello couldn't help but glance at her; quickly diverting his attention away as a blush crept over his cheeks.

Feeling suddenly too warm, he reached up to loosen the scarf around his neck and held it in his hands awkwardly. The apartment was much warmer than the roof, uncomfortably so, or did it just seem that way? The sudden change in temperature along with his rapid pulse made his head feel funny. They weren't completely cold bloodied, but temperature shifts affected them more than their human counterparts. He leaned on the arm rest for a moment to compose himself. He cleared his throat.

April glanced over her shoulder at him. "You okay?"

He stood on wobbly legs, not wanting to seem weak to her. "Y…Yeah. J…Just the, um, you know, the uh, how about that cocoa?"

He followed her down the short narrow hallway towards the kitchen.

"Sorry about the mess," she apologized. "You'd think Casey would've picked up the place knowing we were coming over."

"Yeah," he rubbed the back of his head as his eyes took in the mess that Casey's apartment was left in; wondering again what April could possibly see in this slob.

April opened a couple cabinets gathering mugs and a pot as Donatello moved around her to the refrigerator. Her side brushed against his and he nearly dropped the gallon of milk. He fumbled for a moment but thankfully didn't drop the plastic container. He twisted the cap and poured the white liquid into the pot. April came up next to him and his hand shook. He caught the scent of a light perfume she was wearing and the woozy feeling from the living room hit him again.

They hadn't been alone together in a long, long time. Not since at least a year ago, when she started dating Casey. He nearly didn't come tonight, tried to beg off by saying he had to repair some circuits in their security system at the lair. But it was Master Splinter of all people who insisted he went.

* * *

"The old year ends and a new begins. To mark the event as a celebration is one I encourage, Donatello. New beginnings, new possibilities."

Donatello stood just inside the exit of the lair, blinking his burning eyes and barely hearing his father. Only thinking that he'd have to see April and Casey interacting as a couple the entire time he was there. It would be worse than Christmas a week ago when they'd come to the lair to celebrate. Casey took every opportunity to clutch at and cling to April's body. Every time he did Donatello felt the actions seemed forced and almost obscene. Like he had something to prove to them about his relationship with April. And when she told them about the tradition of the mistletoe, and how people usually gave each other a little kiss beneath it, it was as if Casey wanted to see how far down her throat his tongue could go as he demonstrated. The memory of that alone made him nauseous. And now, he'd have to see them together, again, being a couple for the evening. He wondered bleakly what sensual human traditions New Year's Eve held that they'd demonstrate for him and his brothers tonight. The thought made his chest tight and his stomach churn with dread.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't. He wouldn't be tortured anymore. He couldn't stand it. If he had to go he'd go crazy. He had to convince his father it was out of the question. Simply out of the question.

"Master Splinter, you don't understand. Please. I _really, really_ need to rewire this . . ."

Splinter held up a claw. "That repair can wait."

"B…But…" he tried feebly.

"Go, Donatello. See the fireworks for me. I loved them as a boy. I would accompany you, but the cold night air would not do my old lungs any good. See them for me. Tell me of their splendor in the morning. That would be a good way to begin the new year."

Donatello snapped his mouth shut. What could he say to that? Nothing. He was trapped. He had to go. With a watery, weak feeling in his lower stomach and knees he went; determined to stay as far away from April and Casey as he could.

* * *

Here he was, with April so close to him that he could smell the scent of her skin beneath the layer of soap and perfume. Heart hammering, sweating hands trembling. Still feeling the waves of heat and then chill rolling through him.

"S…So, uh, the fireworks, uh, that'll . . . sh…should be something." What the hell was he saying?

She smiled. "I think that's enough milk."

He looked down at the nearly overflowing pot. He pulled back the bottle. "Oh, uh, oops."

She giggled and he literally felt weak in the knees. She carefully stirred in the cocoa mix as he stepped away from her and gathered the mugs. They clinked in his arms. While his shell was to her he closed his eyes and blew out a steadying breath. He couldn't keep doing this to himself. He had to accept that she was with Casey now. He had to let go of this crush. Let go of any notion that there could be anything ever between him and April.

What had Raph told him? No human girl would _ever_ be interested in them romantically. Humans saw them as freaks; monsters. It didn't matter what they were on the inside; who they were; what they believed in and fought for; what they dreamt of or cared for. None of that mattered because no woman would ever see past their reptile-like exteriors.

Even if they were friendly, when it came right down to it, in the backs of their human minds, that's all they'd be to them: freaks. Sad, but true. End of story. Raph went on to say that they should be on their knees with gratitude to even have a friendship with April. Donatello sighed. He had to be satisfied with that friendship and expect nothing more.

_That should be my resolution for next year_, he thought glumly as she poured the steaming cocoa into the mugs, dropping marshmallows into each one.

"Let's bring this up."

He forced a smile that didn't reach his eyes and grabbed a few mugs.

* * *

"Hot cocoa?" April called out as she offered a mug to Michelangelo. Donatello gave one to Leonardo who took it and blew gently across the surface before taking a tentative sip.

"Bout time!" Michelangelo cried and took one warm mug in both hands then hastily gulped at the volcanic liquid. His eyes bulged and watered as he swallowed painfully. He whimpered.

Raphael stared at him. "What is wrong with you?"

"I dink I jusd burned off eh-bee dasde bud on my dongue," Mikey said miserably, his damaged tongue hanging out of his mouth.

"Well, maybe it'll shut you up for a while," he chuckled and drained the last of his beer before setting it carefully on top of the pyramid of empty cans next to his chair. Mikey swiped at the building and toppled it. Cans clattered across the roof. "Why you . . ."

"Count down, time!" Casey yelled and jumped to his feet, staring at the black watch on his wrist. He held up his hand and April clasped her hands together while the brothers stared from one friend to the other. Donatello turned around and headed for the space heaters.

"10…9…8…7…"

Michelangelo and Leonardo began to count down along with them. A smile spreading on their faces.

"6…5…4…"

Raphael joined in.

"3…2…1…"

"Happy New Year!" They all shouted together at the top of their lungs and burst out laughing.

From the black outlines of the apartment buildings surrounding them, stars and colored explosions filled the air. The stuttering light show covered them in rainbows of blue and gold and silver and red. Casey picked April up in his arms and spun her in a small circle as he kissed her. He set her down and staggered to one side. Raphael steadied him by the elbow before he pitched over the side of the roof, laughing.

April suddenly stepped in front of Raph and he blinked at the strange look on her face. It was mischievous and something he couldn't place.

"Happy New Year, Raph," she said and took his cheeks in her hands and planted a kiss on his mouth. He clamped his eyes closed; feeling her cold nose press against his snout, her soft warm lips press against his mouth and for a moment he reeled. But as quick as it came, it was over. Gold and silver exploded behind her in a wide arcing spray. He blinked dumbstruck. She turned to Mikey; leaving him stunned and swaying on his feet next to Casey, who patted him on the back, roughly.

"H…Happy New Year, April," Raph croaked out in a whisper.

Casey swayed closer and Raph leaned his face away, "You ain't gonna kiss me too, are ya?" he asked, recovering and retreating back into his protective gruff exterior.

Casey guffawed. "Nah, you ain't my type, Raphie-boy."

"Thank god for small favors," Raph muttered as he chuckled with his friend.

April called out, "Happy New Year, Mikey!"

Michelangelo jumped to his feet, a wide smile on his face as he quickly put together that he was next. He puckered up and April giggled and planted a quick smooch on him. He dug his bunny-slipper covered toe into the roof and laughed and shrugged. That was nice.

"Na haha, thanks April."

She moved to Leonardo who raised one hand up with wide eyes and stepped away. But he didn't get very far.

"It's okay, Leo, it's tradition," she told him with a warm smile.

His eyes darted about for an escape; in this desperate moment he failed to locate one. "Tradition, huh? Uh, um, uh…"

She pounced; pulling him into a hug and pressed her lips into his reddened cheek, missing his mouth as he turned his face to one side, burying it into her elbow; eyes clenched shut. He blushed furiously and ducked his head as she pulled away. The pom-pom on his hat bobbed as he did. Tickled by Leonardo's extreme shyness, she chuckled.

"Happy New Year, Leo." She patted his cheek. "I hope the next year brings nothing but good things for you."

He blinked rapidly; a shy smile on his flustered face, "H…Happy New Year, April."

She turned; scanning the roof for Donatello. He was in the shadow of the stairwell shed, crouched over the space heaters again. She strode over to him and he stood up suddenly with a panicked look on his face. April took both his hands in hers just as an explosion in purple and gold flashed; huge and taking up most of the sky behind her. His brown eyes darted back and forth between hers as she leaned closer towards him. He swallowed dryly.

He didn't want this. He didn't want her to kiss him. No. He wanted it more than everything in the known universe, but he couldn't do this, not here, not in front of everyone. Not in front of Casey. Not when he knew it meant nothing. An empty tradition. He started to pull away and she held his hands tightly.

"Donnie," she murmured and the tone captured Donatello's rapt attention. She stepped around the space heaters and brought her body closer. Donatello shuffled back until his shell hit the side of the stairwell shed. He shook his head slightly from side to side. He opened his mouth to protest but felt her lips suddenly press into his before he could speak.

His mind blanked as she moved her warm lips, pressing deeper, soft and hard at the same time into his. His heart raced and he no longer felt the frigid winter air. Instead it was as if he were lit aflame from within. She continued pressing and easing her lips against his mouth; stealing away all his breath, all his rational thought; all his strength. A burning need flashed through his body starting in his middle, rising higher than any rocket in the night sky, consuming him. With his eyes closed he could only make out the booming and crackling of the fireworks display going on beyond the roof, while within him April's kiss detonated his own internal fireworks.

Casey wiped an eye, still chuckling over something Michelangelo had said to Raph. A huge gold starburst exploded; filling the entire sky; lighting up the night as if it were noon; signifying the end of the show. Casey turned to point out the beauty to April. His eyes roved over the roof; landing on his girlfriend and Donatello swept up in a lingering kiss behind him. He straightened in his seat and instantly, Leonardo was aware of the charge in the air that had nothing to do with the pyrotechnic display. Leo followed Casey's seething gaze and immediately he jumped to his feet.

Above the fading booming noise, the curt, distinct sound of Leonardo clearing his throat snapped Donatello to attention. He broke away; eyelids fluttering, out of breath, looking up at April who blinked dreamily; lips parted; still staring at his mouth. The expression sent a sharp stab of lust through him, nearly making him double over. Donatello tore his gaze away from the lovely sight of her expression and darted around until he spotted the figure of his brother, on his feet and giving him a frown and a soft disapproving shake of his head.

Ducking his burning face, Donatello squeezed out from between April and the wall behind him. She made a soft sound as he scrambled away. He stooped and quickly gathered up his tools with trembling hands, a blush coloring his cheeks a deep pink; the blood rushing in his ears. But he heard Leonardo politely saying goodnight and thanking Casey and April for having them over and then gathering up a complaining Michelangelo and a surly Raphael. Donatello kept his head down as he moved to follow his brothers down the stairwell. He felt something brush his arm and his face darted up to see April. Her cheeks were still flushed and her eyes shined even in the darkness.

"Happy New Year, Donnie," she whispered.

Any response that rose up, he choked on and instead turned and fled away from her as fast as he could down the stairs after his brothers.

* * *

On the street level below, Donatello paused as his brothers dropped down into an open manhole. He gazed up at the roof of Casey's apartment and with one hand, brushed his fingertips along his mouth. The ghost of her kiss lingered. He took a deep shuddering breath. His body ached with an insatiable desire. He licked his bottom lip and with an acute pang of longing, realized he could still taste her lips. He took a step back in the direction of the apartment, not thinking what he was doing. Only knowing he needed her.

"You comin' Don?" Raph gruffly asked from below.

"Uh. Oh, yeah."

He climbed down. Silently cursing himself as an idiot. What was he thinking of doing? Running back up the stairs and kicking down Casey's door and . . . what? Dropping to his knees and confessing his love? Yeah, that would go over great. This wasn't some poorly scripted chick-flick. This was his miserable real life. _And it sucks,_ he thought bitterly.

"Wow! My first kiss!" Mikey said dancing around his brothers in the tunnel. "Thank YOU, April!"

Raphael cuffed him upside the head. "You idiot. That wasn't your first kiss. It wasn't even real."

Leonardo glanced at his brothers, then landed on Donatello who walked along lost in his thoughts and said nothing. An uneasy feeling stirred inside him. He was worried about Don and how he'd been taking April seeing Casey more and more seriously since last year. He brought his attention back to what Raphael was saying.

Michelangelo skipped ahead and spun around. "C'mon. Yes, it was."

"No, chuckle-head. If ya _gotta_ do it. It don't count."

Donatello raised his eyes to Raphael walking and swaying a little on his feet next to him.

"Why are you trying to ruin this for me?" Mikey whined. "That kiss so counts."

"April said it's a tradition thing. Even people who don't know each other kiss at midnight. New Year's Eve kisses don't count." He pointed one finger into an open palm. He went on in a slightly slurred expert tone, "Kisses only count when both people want it and nobody and nothin' is _making_ you do it. Not a first kiss. Wasn't real. Doesn't count. End of story."

"Whatever, dude." Michelangelo said and they continued on towards home in somewhat glum silence.

Donatello thought about what Raphael said and considered his definition of a real kiss. He wanted the kiss, well, he did and didn't. Did April want to kiss him? Or was she just doing it for tradition's sake? Of course it meant nothing. There was nothing behind it. It wasn't real, he tried to reason with himself. But it sure _felt_ real to him. But she was with Casey. Why would the kiss mean anything more if she had feelings for another man? But . . . oh gosh, that kiss . . . the way she looked at him after . . . could she maybe . . . possibly have feelings . . . like _that_ for him? He shook his head and tried to brush away the rush of confused feelings sweeping through him. So much for his New Year's Resolution. They weren't in the new year for more than ten minutes and he already screwed it up with his tumble of obsessed thoughts and hopes for April as something more than just a distant friend.

Donatello walked on and as he did he wondered what April was doing right now. Wondered if it were at all possible that she was thinking about him. He sighed; shifting his bag of tools on his shoulder, feeling more than just his shoulder aching. He'd be thinking of her tonight, all night, there was no doubt about that. Unconsciously his fingertips went to his bottom lip again.

Leonardo noticed the action and blinked, feeling sad for his brother's situation and feeling like there was nothing he could do to help him through this. He decided that sometimes simply being there for someone was enough. Besides, maybe things would improve for him in this next year. He brought an arm around Donatello's shoulder and at Donnie's surprised glance, Leo said,

"Akemashite Omedetou Gozaimasu, Don."

Donatello gave him a weak smile, "Happy New Year, to you too, Leo."

Arms slung over each other's shoulder and shell, they continued on towards home.

Michelangelo's voice drifted back to the two brothers, "I still say it counts."

"Shut it, chucklehead. You're givin' me a headache."

. . .

* * *

**A/N: **How'd I do? That's Happy New Year in Japanese that Leo tells Donnie.


End file.
